I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
