brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
Is it weird to befriend your older alcoholic landlords?
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
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