Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
