his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
