The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
