I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Randomize
