Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
