There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
it was like eating out sand paper
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
Randomize
