I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Randomize
