Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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