Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
