it was like eating out sand paper
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
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