i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
