Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
Randomize
