i'm signing you up for texting rehab
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
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