She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I can't find the remote or the Doritos. Someone call 911. S.O.S. I sent this in Braille.
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
