checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
It's official drugs can't kill me
hey, this is the ginger girl from the party...i've thought about it and I wanna join the american girl drinking team
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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