He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
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