i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
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