You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
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