Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
false alarm, still single
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