I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Being sober is boring. Tomorrow I'm def bringing wine and my vibrator to work. Might even booty call that hot guy on floor 5. Making the last week at this job legendary.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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