Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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