I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
When a bartender remarks "wow" on how quickly you've finished a drink... Is that good or bad?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
New Orleans is just like you. Dirty but beautiful and will always have a special place in my heart
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
