I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
