Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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