when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
he asked me if i would dance for him to make it easier for him to jack off. does that answer your question.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Randomize
