I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
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