I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
