omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
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