I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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