I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well sure, my hetero side is thrilled, but my gay side is soooo judging
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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