turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
