So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Randomize
