The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Randomize
