DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
