I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
This chick just walked out of the men's room with molly all over her nose and her shirt half unbuttoned. She nodded to all of us and said "gentlemen" as she exited
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
