im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
he puts the penis in happiness.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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