He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
