i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
