too bad you live with your parents still
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
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