Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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