i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
