Pants 0. Shit 1.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
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