Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
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You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
So I guess I passed out face first on the ground while trying to grill last night
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
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i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
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