Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
I LOVE YOU NO MATTER HOW MANY BALLS YOUVE SUCKED
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
Randomize
