I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
Randomize
