I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You can't special order awesome
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Randomize
