I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
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