were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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