I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
Randomize
