I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
DICK PUNCH EXTRAVAGANZAAAAAA!!!!!
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
