There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
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