you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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