i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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