I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Ladies don't puke and tell
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
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