sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
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