i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
Randomize
