In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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