Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
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