How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
No more fucking baseball tools. Walk-of-shamed home in only a pinstriped jersey and a Red Sox SnapBack.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Randomize
