No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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