why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
I am midnight drunk by noon
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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