Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Randomize
