Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
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