i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
