OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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