so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
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