she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
