Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
We named our party play list daddy issues
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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