just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
